1. James Spader, before the middle aged Boston Legal spread, and maybe afterwards, providing its over the phone.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
smash list
1. James Spader, before the middle aged Boston Legal spread, and maybe afterwards, providing its over the phone.
Monday, 16 November 2009
P.S
I am returning home to England for a few months armed with a nice new camera.(I paid considerably more for it than that & now realise I got ripped off.)
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Old is new
It's revealing I suppose. There are some people for whom words remain just that - sign posts, news bulletins and stats. Then there are others leave you hankering for flesh and blood details and emotions however coincidental. You hope to be close to them not only in what they claim to have done but also in the very moment they sit & type to you. You want to watch their face as they do it because it's the face you miss. The play of the eyes as you watch a brain at work. Micro-expressions of that vivid life within. Maybe it's the reassurance of a soul you recognise.
All the same, you work with what you have and throw tit bits to the grape vine, remembering that you have obligations.
Some people feel that same psychic pull to you even if you never feel it yourself. What you tell them is never enough. What you tell them will never be enough. They just hope to be included in your life becuase they value what they can learn from it.
Knowing I will never see these people again is frightening. It's the persistent knowledge that with each new day these distant fires slowly die.
I pass hundreds of people in a day, never to see them again. I barely remember a single face. There are too many people to know in a lifetime so the few that risk it to know you & your history are worth your time. They are worth all the time in the world.
So to think your time with such people is through while the earth still has some to spare feels like a crime. Estrangement is the greatest theft. But it makes me wonder - if we had the time, if we had all time, what would we end up doing with it? Wouldn't we just take everyone for granted? Maybe then our sentence to know most people for a breath of time what makes our relationships function.
It's hard to stomach neat conclusions & imagine closure while that feeling remains of a melancholic sickening. Your soul needs the sort of nourishment the explanations offered cannot supply. I can't help thinking that it's when you are in dialogue with something you are alive. When you are left alone, some part of you dies.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Beats blowing glass motherfucker!
I have 4 months off for Summer, returning to school in March - what the hell?! I've already decided that the next film I make when I get back will be about a furtinure removalist with a problematic chair fetish.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Picking myself up (fell over again)
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Pen to paper
.
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Theme = Cupcakes
He digitized her is all.
- Dyed my hair heroin chic rouge. Will be a gutter slut by next weekend if Christiane F is anything to go by. (Trainspotting has nothing on that film's cold turkey scene.)
- About to edit for a month solid. Gush.
- My boy looks mean in leather.
- Finally saw Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN oh, 8 years late. I'm sorry I missed the party for so long. Sun drenched hypnosis. Gorgeous.
- Seeing family friends for dins dins at Mess Hall makes me miss Mama. Are there any robins in this country?
Saturday, 19 September 2009
Now that nobody's looking
I loved this film, bar the final mawkish line. Maybe the rest was just as bad and I just related to it too much to nit pick the faults. Surely we can all agree that the depressing movie post-break up pastiche sequence was fucking wonderful.
- Making films with a head held high for the first time...ever? Latest took place down on a beach with a lot of gale force winds and long nights of drinking at Jan Juc caravan park. It's a "psychological potboiler." Ha.
- Applying for a job at a place that stocks over 400o magazines.
- Favorite parts of his body: nape of neck, tiny ear lobe, slanty teeth, hot hands and eyes eyes eyes yes yes yes. He's in a puppetry cabaret show as part of the Melbourne Fringe next week.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Uncharted territory
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Conscious outburst
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Monday, 30 March 2009
No great insights into cinema or gay semiotics,
As March draws to a close
- Finally settled on the bodycare cocktails to mark my time in Melbourne. Angelica! Danelion! Mistletoe! Avocado! Rose hip! Oh my!
- More film shoots. Such an amazing amalgamation of strange tasks, including: stringing together giant musical notes, chasing a man with a umbrella, coughing up a twig, a butterfly and a car key, in that order. Ah yes, the return to zero budgets and junk food catering...
- Slowly sussing different ways home in the evening. Melbourne is expanding by the day.
- Beautiful houses that make me loath my current lodgings further. Peter Greenaway, home-made comics and the pungent smell of Dove soap. A boy making architecture models in a room full of pantings and fascination.
- The thought of spending time with someone kind and sharing things with the ease and comfort of lovers makes me wobble and dream again.
- Missing people all over the world. The dancer in London and the climber in Baltimore. The snap-happy Croatian with the beautiful mind. The boy with the remarkable mole in Washington, who gave up hope of a reunion months ago. My dear darling petite one, Sophie. Above all, I miss her.
- Thinking too much. Watching beautiful things as a distraction.
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
i want to be a forester
Monday, 23 March 2009
Origin of my name
Saturday, 21 March 2009
This week's creative writing? A juicy love/hate relationship!
I’ve only ever met one other girl called Flo. She took it as a sign that we would be life long friends
This new and dominating Flo was the same age as me with a curt, Sloan Square accent, unruly cave woman hair (that she was forever sweeping from her face) and an impressive collection of multicoloured ethic skirts of the drop-out-beach-bunny variety. She had latched onto the idea that I was as dissatisfied with high school and the modern world as she was. Perversely thrilled but unsure of how to proceed, she made a large show of how we had the same uncommon bra size and insisted that we were to share underwear over the coming weeks of our arts summer school.
Her strange admiration towards me grew. I can only assume it was because I accompanied her for countless cigarettes and entertained her stories of flirting with grown men and her fantasies of loving a Rastafarian. Her eagerness to do everything with me as a witness was flattering but it was fairly clear we had little in common beyond our names and measurements. Her strong willed denial prevented my opinions from derailing what she was fashioning as a perfect friendship. My wiliness to talk to anyone often left her feeling neglected and caused a rampant jealousy to develop. Her mood swings became drastic and contradictory as possessiveness crept in.
It all came to a head when our student group took a day trip to the coast to end the month on a high. The beach was deserted and the pier was rotten but we’d pinned our hopes on the venture and even the increasing drizzle couldn’t dissuade us. Despite the water being cold enough to induce coma, I managed to swim out far enough to float and bob. Flo wasn’t far behind and when she drew along side promptly challenged me to swim even further.
When we were safely removed from the group and had covered an impressive distance, I found her arms snaking around me in a sinking embrace. She dappled my face with brief kisses in what I assumed was an adrenalin rush brought on the icy water. It wasn’t until Flo kissed me full on the mouth, with the taste of dirt and salt, that I realised the significance she was investing in the moment. She withdrew to gage my response with desperate eyes. Sensing the redundancy of the act spoke volumes I was too overwhelmed to address, we only felt numbness distinct from the freezing sea. I swam away towards the others and hoped what had just happened would wash into the Mediterranean.
As soon as we retuned to town, Flo withdrew and downed two bottles of vodka. Her wretched screams soon filled the third floor of our sleeping hotel. I was reduced to hiding in another student’s room to avoid what I could only assume would be violence. All the misunderstood rage an 18 year old could possibly hold turned the building into a terrifying prison with me lined up for its firing squad. Eventually, the course lecturer intervened and Flo was practically sedated.
We barely had a month to get aquatinted but in that time we’d managed to skim the bond of friendship and a warped sort of love only for it to nose-dive into a blazing hotel showdown, fuelled by God knows what kinds of damage. We parted ways at the end of our time in Italy brittle strangers who, for all they had shared, would remain estranged out of a mixture of emotion and necessity.
(Better memories from Venice)
Also: Best script we've read so far this semester has been from this movie. I recommend tracking down a copy for yourself.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
You heard it here first
Monday, 16 March 2009
I couldn't care less about clobber
Submerged in the cloakroom, hiding behind voyeuristic coats. After weeks of my nagging, we’re clutching hands. Clumsy kisses make me want more but I’m too young to fathom what follows. Playground swagger drains from him as I persist. Maybe I come on too strong. Our parents receive a phone call.
Impacted
The sterilised smell and lighting of hospitals put me on edge. As soon as I step inside I know rooms are filled with bad news and long stay patients. The very air stifles and numbs. It’s no comfort my mother’s health is at the mercy of this humourless environment.
Her room is too small for its massive, automated bed, and even that seems unable to support all the medical paraphernalia attached. She’s lost in a mess of wires and sweat-drenched bed sheets and for the first time in my adult life, I’m truly frightened. She’s out of her mind on morphine and starts to scream at my father for wearing bandages only she can see. In the agonising moments that follow, my dad tries his best to keep my mother calm. He adopts an unnaturally measured voice but his stress and strain are evident. Neither of us can recognise the woman in the bed. Watching my mother’s pained, hysterical out burst take the last ebb of energy she has, watching my father grow unnervingly quiet, faced with the room’s soulless décor and its view of a muddy, unremarkable car park, I suddenly understand what mortality might amount to -anonymous defeat.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Youtube sees me through the day once more
- Serendipity
- Second hand clothes
- Bad Idea Magazine